"if you can't beat 'em...
then they weren't properly tied down"


a bit about moi

this is me @ punk prom at the gilman in may of '98

...How The Corpse In The Cupboard found it’s way into mypygmylike and insufficient cerebrum…

It all started as an attempt to launch my ideas and thoughts out into this cramped and perverted world of ours… I borrowed an idea from a friend to start a zine and call it my own. So issue number one of the Corpse came out… the result: I had the zine done, but distribution was limited and shitty, and I really had no money to keep it up. Right now, the little darkwavegothkinderbat paper zine is going through some transformations… I don’t really know wether I should keep it a webzine or continue with it as a paper zine. I’m really much too lazy to do either… but the internet is a cheaper way to get stuff out anyway…
In case you were wondering… some information about ME:
My name, ZiLLah.
I am *however many years it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop* years old.
I was born in Kiev, Ukraine (for those of you out there who don’t keep up with the world : Ukraine WAS a part of the former U.S.S.R.). And no, I’m not  a commie, although some may believe that I am a KGB agent who communicates with them through a radio I assembled out of a toaster. (this is also * not true *, although I *wish* it were…. *sigh*…)
I now reside in Benicia, California, otherwise known as capital of boredom and shite, and there aren’t too many interesting creatures to play with here! Boo hoo! Benicia is a 20-minute ride from Berkeley, and about 45 mins from San Fransisco…Grr. Spit. Blah blah blah... but I won't bore you with the details.
My musical tastes vary upon weather, mood, etc. I love industrial and some goth, new and old, but I also like classical, new wave, some older punk, ethereal, elektro, etc.
What’s playing in my stereo?
Industrial and experimental, at the most. I’m also very infatuated with anything and everything by Skinny Puppy (*go figure*), Pigface,  Swans, Cure, Siouxsie/ The Creatures, Download, Neubaten, Radiohead, Depeche Mode, Tear Garden, Front 242, Ministry, Coil, …… Well, I could go on forever. I will get around, eventually, to putting up a list of my music, for trading and stuff…

What’s on the bat’s bookshelf?

My reading list never ceases to grow, no matter how much I try to outrun it. Since I've been working @ Barnes & Noble for the past 6  months or so, I've spent waaaaay too much money on books. It's so tempting ! Argh !The magragzinethings: Permission, Outburn, Industrial Nation, Alt. Press, etc. As far as the books I've recently read, re/read and am obsessing over, here is a short blurb (*post-summer*):
Totem of the depraved by Nick Zedd
Crash by J.G. Ballard
The Confessions of Wanda Von Sacher-Masoch
Heart of Darkness by Conrad
Girl, Interrupted by Kaysen
100 Years of Solitude by Marquez
The Consumer by Michael Gira
Voltaire's Candide
RE/SEARCH's Modern Primitives
The Torture Garden by Octave Mirbeau
Naked and other screenplays by Mike Leigh
Some of my other favorites (poetry and novels) are: Poe, Wilde, Bukowski, Orwell, Leonard Cohen, Bulgakov, Bradbury, Michael Ende, Burgess, Plath, Ionesco, Shelley, Joyce Carol Oates, Kafka, Dostoyevsky, etc……

What the bat likes to do for FuN

Well, first of all: I stay out of the sun. As soon as that’s accomplished, I can be satisfied quite easily.I read Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, see as many films as my squeaky eyes can stand. I preffer indie, but am known to wander off into the mainstream at time. I play guitar, write, paint (oils currently)…

What does this little creature look like anyway?

I like to *pretend* that I don’t look like yer typical *goth*, but I’ve been proven wrong quite often.
But then again, growing up with Winona Rider as a role model is really dangerous for the anti-goth in all of us. Black is good. So is red and purple, my colors of choice. Fabrics of choice include velvet - soft and furry, silk, lace, NYLON! (well, a girl has to have tights, y’know)… speaking of… I have quite a tights fetish. It is disintegrating slowly, with time, and lack of funds… but I do adore the beauty of funky leg decoration. My skin is somewhat pale, and I have freckles, although you will never see them unless you spot me (gasp!) without any makeup on. I have green eyes and currently violet hair that is slowly dreading....I emphasize slowly (the picture on top of the page is old... and my hair is now short... so there.). The crimping iron is my best friend . I’m 5"8… etcetcetc…

Thats all for the self-centered page…



 death threats? bad trash?...meow...meow...meow...
...There's no place like home it seems all together shadow writhing your world comes crashing down..